Me Time

But let there be space in your togetherness

“You are wife, mother, and colleague. But you are you also remember that. It is very important for you to devote some ’me’ time for yourself..” began a speaker addressing the ladies club of an Army unit. It was a new thought for the Army wives who, so  far, had been told of their roles as the better half of soldiers. With hectic social lives, they thought they were pampering themselves enough. The talk set the ladies thinking.  They realized how little they had thought about themselves as individuals.

Never had India been more individualistic as in the present times. “ I love my family and will stand by them in their trouble. But thought I know they will, too, I don’t demand it from them. I aspire to work hard and have a little nest egg that will see me through a bad patch”, says a 30-year-old happily married woman. Yes, this is ‘me’ age, everyone  fends  for themselves and ferociously guard their personal space, even in the crowded one bedroom apartment.

Retired grandparents would rather live by themselves than give up personal space for the joys of being close to children. Vacation time is good enough to bond, is the general sentiment. This trend has picked up in a big way over the last decade.

It was a new thought for Indians who had lived in communities and were identified as the families they belonged to rather than as individuals. But the present times have helped us hone individual personalities, with husbands and wives managing equally demanding careers”. I believe it is a healthy trend, giving people time to flourish as individuals. Even children demand personal space and we need to respect it.

Me-time means no longer feeling guilty about going shopping with friends after work. It’s a stress buster thereby healthy for relationship. A far cry from an earlier ethos in which you were defined by how you executed your duties. It means couples take a little break by themselves for “we time” instead of visiting parents every time. Rather be guilty about it, they realize it is important for a healthy relationship.

If the individual isn’t happy, or is stressed out, won’t it snowball into a larger crisis ultimately involving the entire family?

The trend has given a boost to the indulgence industries. Diamonds for the girl who wants to treat herself and spas for some self pampering…” Apna Khayal rakhna” as one advertisement tag line says.

Open Season

The new generation doesn’t mind marrying late or walking out of relationships.

Arti chaudhary got married at 28. Her husband was 30. It was ‘just the right age’ by the standards of here peer group, in which it is normal to remain single, well into the 30s. five years into her marriage, Arti is now “thinking about having a baby sometime”. Her mother got married when she was 16 and by Arti’s age she had grown-up children.

Arti says, there was no time to marry earlier for her. She was studying and wanted to settle into a carrer before tying the knot.  Arti, an HR executive in Mumbai is the typical DINK(double income no kids) person.  Her life might be very different from the one her mother, a homemaker, led. Yet, her existence is very traditional, compared with people around her. Another couple a few doors away from her, has an open live-in-relationship, unshackled by matrimonial commitments. Several of her friends have already had divorces and most others are yet to find “someone worth marrying”.

The new millennium brought in an era where people are more individualistic in their relationships. They marry when they want to, not because the parents have found a match. They walk out of bad relationships, preferring the public inquisition of neighbours to the private torment. It is also a generation for whom sex is not equal to marriage.

This is not to say that things were totally different 2-3 decades ago. Young people had adventures back then too. But those were mostly hush-hush affairs, and ‘mistakes’ could only be remedied with marriage or suicide. Today, there’s an openness that many people might frown upon, but  at least it doesn’t stifle those within the relationships.

When actor Neena Gupta decieded to have daughter Masaba out of wedlock in the late 80s, she was in a way, a trailblazer. But single parent families today face fewer questions and are almost considered normal, especially in bigger cities. A big move was when the government decided that a mother’s name in the school admission form was enough.

By the time Sushmita sen decided to adopt kids and not get married, the choice wasn’t even considered avant-garde.

A love and Hate relationship.

A love and Hate relationship.

Neena had an arranged marriage when she was barely 22. The clinching factor was that Akash, her husband was in a MNC and was in a highly rewarding job. Her family felt that this match was perfect.

Soon after her wedding, the emotional abuse started, within 3 months of their marriage. If anything went against the way Akash wanted it,there would be an argument,followed by abuses. It was just in 6 month of marriage when he hit her for the first time. At first she thought she might have provoked him, So she thought to overlook the incident. but it happened again a few days later, and this time without any reason. Akash was drunk and he kicked neena black and blue. Everytime this would happen and Akash would apologise repeatedly. For some days after the incidents he would pamper her with words of apology.

But then again the violence would start suddenly for some or other reasons. Neena didn't tell her parents about the behaviour of akash as we all know generally what our parents would suggest "Beta, try to adjust". thng. which is the most common sentence in our Indian Society, regarding their married daughters.

But do u think neena should adjust for irrational and violent behaviour of Akash?

Do u think, she should continue her marriage with such a person?

and above all being educated and cultured , does this behaviour of husbands like akash is right?

On and Of Marital Abuse

  On and Of Marital abuse is about the women like Neena, who for the sake of their family and society tolerate abuses silently.

 

 They do have life,they are entitled to live freely with due respect. its time to reboot your life It is not only case with Neena - a simple young house wife, who is not financially independent. but also case with many working women too, who are a victim of marital abuse. "She is Smart, Educated, and Self Sufficient- yet she lets her husband kick and slap her almost daily,never saying a word about it to anyone. This could be U. and if you are,its high time to reboot your life". Kajal,35,who works in a multinational organisation in Mumbai, got married to Rahul,who used to work in the same organization. After 5 years of courtship they decided to get married. After her marriage to Rahul, she tasted her first abuse within a month of their marriage when Rahul slapped her hard over a trivial issue, discussing something regarding financial management. she found it very difficult to accept that this was the same man she had known for five years, a man who was otherwise caring, sensitive and funny.... The violence continued over the years,and kajal endured it not telling to her parents. Both Rahul and Kajal were in good jobs. Their lives went on this way,but the abuse grew day by day making life hell for Kajal.. Did she never think of leaving Rahul? She says" I could not leave coz it was i who had chosen to marry Rahul." beside she has a daughter too.. Why do women like Kajal,educated, smart, self sufficient,able to earn more than enough, stick to husbands who are physically abusive?

in life

Sometimes all you can give is love
Sometimes all you have is not enough

Sometimes life is like a dream
Sometimes dreams aren’t what they seem

Sometimes laughter can heal your heart
Sometimes it’s laughter that breaks it apart

Sometimes the world goes faster than you can go
Sometimes even fast is still too slow

Sometimes going home is the only thing on your mind
Sometimes home is the only place you can’t find

Sometimes you are too tired to sleep
Sometimes you are too sad to weep

Sometimes freedom holds you back
Sometimes a wedding dress is black

Sometimes loneliness is what you need
Sometimes there’s a harvest without a seed

Sometimes darkness can be too bright
Sometimes rain gives you delight

Sometimes you think you understand
Sometimes you know you really can’t

Sometimes what sets you free are restrictions
Sometimes what makes most sense are contradictions

friends with benefit: on casual sex

Casual sex: Casual sex or hooking up refers to certain types of human sexual activity outside the context of a romantic relationship. The term is not always used consistently:some use it to refer to sex in a casual relationship, whereas others reserve its use for one-time encounters, promiscuity, or to refer to sex in the absence of emotional attachment or love...

If someone willingly boycotted the 'Commitments-cum-Expectations' camp long back, 'Friends with Benefits' (FWBs) or casual sex is thing one is looking for.

For this frame of reference, this fad defines a mutually beneficial relationship between two person who indulge in casual sex with no bonds or expectations involved. In an age when all that people think of is adding digits to their bank balance, this trend has become quite a rage. Commitment might have taken a backseat but the desire for pleasure never will.

As long as it is safe, and mutual,casual sex is no harm to such persons who dont want themselves to bind in commitments and emotions. who knows such relationship can help in meeting soul mates for life!!

I’ll let go of you before you destroy me.

"Relationship" perhaps the most tricky thing to handle. Most trickiest if its intimate.

people try hard to maintain their relationship, knowing that its not at all working between them.. they dont want to hurt their loved ones feelings. fair enough!!!!
Many people face a situation in their lives where their relationship is neither moving forward nor behind. its the time to think either to renew the spark in relationship or to walk away!!!

To renew that old lost spark is something that should be both sided. one sided efforts wont bear sweet fruits!!! its a mutual thing.done keeping in mind what ur partner wants from u.

TO walk away is the most simplest thing. when u r sure its not working between u and wont ever work. its always better to get of a relationship where u tend to break off of urserlf other than the person...get out of a meaningless relationship before it destroys u. break it before it tears u off

its always better to "I’ll let go of you before you destroy me." always better to break a relationship before it starts to break u off..
but stl u cant just break it off that way. one should try to renew that old spark in relationship and try to maintain it.